by Rabbi Douglas Kohn, Congregation Emanu El, Redlands, California
Session I: Preface and Introduction: the Problem with Jewish Prayer/Why Prayer is Difficult
Session II: Parts I & II: Spiritual Dynamics of Prayer, Beginning to Pray
Session III: Growing and Healing Through Prayer, Embracing Traditional Jewish Prayer
This Study Guide for Making Prayer Real is designed to support a three-session discussion program, such as the Making Prayer Real Study Salon program of Congregation Emanu El, of Redlands, CA, in the winter-spring of 2011. Our purpose in this guide is not to convince or direct the participants to the perspectives presented by the book’s author, but to help the participants to use the book to further develop their own perspectives, and their will to engage in the process of reconsidering, and hopefully enriching, their spiritual lives and prayer voices. It is our premise that, however powerful Making Prayer Real may be for the individual reader, how much more effective it may be when its messages, themes, challenges and practices are considered in a small group format. The rabbis taught in the Mishnah, that when two (or more) persons study sacred text together, the Shchinah – God’s indwelling presence – resides between them. If this volume is, among many things, an attempt to empower the reader to foster that embrace of God’s presence in a prayerful way, then how fitting that joint study of Making Prayer Real, itself, should also facilitate that endeavor.
A word to a Salon, or study group facilitator: prayer, itself, may be difficult. Just as difficult, if not more so, is speaking about prayer. It is the unaddressed behavior of the modern Jew. Why – because, perhaps prior to the publication of Making Prayer Real, the tools for successful discussion of prayer have been lacking. There are many books which analyze prayer, dissect the structure of liturgy, and critique the history of prayer, but too few which candidly and personally engage the Jew in reviewing himself or herself as a prayer-person, as this volume does so well. Thus, the study group facilitator should expect some reluctance and even some frustration with discussing prayer. It is neither a common theme, nor a comfortable theme. Its process of discussion has not been practiced – neither in the academy, the synagogue nor in the living room. This is a novel endeavor.
We therefore encourage the facilitator especially to be sensitive to the role of facilitating: of eliciting and opening the group to shared dialogue. The facilitator is not the teacher; rather, the group will be its own teacher, and the book will serve as teacher. The facilitator is the guide to moving the group along its path. And, given the personal nature of the subject, it is important to engender a comfortable and safe environment in which even those participants with the most diverse opinions will feel welcome. It is important, therefore, to carefully and sensitively listen for, and gently prevent, any even unwitting attempt by a participant to steer or direct opinions of others. It is perfectly permissible for participants to have, and voice, strong opinions; it is not effective, however, when a participant invalidates the ideas of another. As well, we encourage the facilitator to allow the group to diverge in its discussions. Keeping the group along a strict outline may be effective to reach desired goals, yet, the theme will likely stimulate unexpected diverse thoughts and sharing. Just as Rabbi Comins reminds us that the mind may stray during prayer, and that one should simply and patiently redirect it back to the objective, so too in the study environment. And, lastly, we encourage the facilitator to allow and enjoy playfulness and uncertainty. The theme of prayer need not be either overly serious, nor without surprise and levity. Welcome the breaks which the human spirit will seek: laughter and self-effacement are two common mechanisms for releasing stress or tension, which addressing such a theme might bring.
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Session I: Preface and Introduction: the Problem with Jewish Prayer/Why Prayer is Difficult
Participants should have read the Preface and the Introduction: The Problem with Jewish Prayer
1. By way of introduction, invite participants to share what are their own “prayer histories,” namely, their own personal prayer journeys and experiences. From where did they first experience prayer? Where did they first pray? Where did they learn prayer or Hebrew, and how did they feel about those experiences? What has been their most impactful prayer experience? What has been their most disappointing prayer experience? We suggest allowing everyone in the group to share, but to limit the sharing to 2-4 minutes, per person. It might be helpful to post these questions on a large sheet of paper on the wall, to help focus the participants. The facilitator should thank each participant in turn.
2. Although some participants might have included this thought in their “prayer histories,” ask participants what is the problem with prayer – why is it difficult for them? Encourage participants to feel secure to be critical of prayer, the synagogue, themselves, without being hurtful. Validate responses: that there are many impediments to prayer.
B. Rabbi Comins offers several difficulties with prayer in the Introduction: that prayer is too wordy (p 3), that prayer neglects the body, emotions and feelings (p. 4), that the prayer book trumps prayer and becomes the focus (p. 6), people don’t think prayer is answered (p. 8), and that services are an end unto themselves (p. 9). Do these critiques resonate with the group? Are any of them especially troubling?
3. Making Prayer Real includes not only Rabbi Comins’ writing, but the wisdom of 50 other teachers whose viewpoints and personalities offer enriching diversity. Have the group (or a person in the group) read Rabbi Elyse Frishman’s comments on communal prayer (bottom, p. 11-top, p. 12). Do we agree? Or, does communal prayer silence the individual prayer, and demand conformity and squelch personal yearnings? Rabbi Frishman speaks of a “relationship with God.” Do we have one?
4. See the text of Rabbi David Ingber, on page 14. He suggests that intrinsic to prayer is an awareness of personal vulnerability, yet that we avoid facing that vulnerability. Prayer, therefore, is about our inner feelings and needs, as well as a communal experience. Do we bring our vulnerability to prayer? Can we express it in prayer? Are we willing to include ourselves in the prayer experience?
5. Summarize and thank the participants, and remind them of the next date, and that the second session will address Parts I and II of Making Prayer Real, and to read those sections.
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Session II: Parts I & II: Spiritual Dynamics of Prayer, Beginning to Pray
Participants should have read Parts I & II of the book: Spiritual Dynamics of Prayer and Beginning to Pray
1. Check-in: ask if anyone had a particularly meaningful or unique prayer experience since the last time we met, at the synagogue, or elsewhere? Invite discussion.
2. A key question, for many, is does prayer work, and if it cannot be proven to work, then it is of questionable worth. Part I of Making Prayer Real begins with a number of personal essays on this question. Ask the participants if any of the essays were especially meaningful for them. These essays helped to suggest various possibilities of the efficacy of prayer – that prayer is not magic, and that it may work in unexpected ways, such as touching the humility or liveliness of the worshipper. Ask the attendees if their understanding of the intent of prayer shifted in reading this part of the book.
3. As we ask, “what is prayer,” invite attendees to turn to page 41, and to reread the selections by Rabbis Lewart and Wolpe. Do the participants see prayer as intended to effect them, or to effect God? It appears that the purpose of prayer is to shift the person praying, not the one to whom people are praying. Ask how this felt to the readers – was it sensible, liberating, confusing, disingenuous? How do they respond to this idea, especially if they had been understanding prayer as an endeavor to gain God’s attention?
4. Reread Rabbi Nancy Flam’s comments on page 47, and Rabbi Mike Comins conclusion, afterwards. Rabbi Comins then introduces yearning, gratitude and kavvanah as three key elements in prayer – as answers to Rabbi Flams’ charge that we do not know what we are doing. Invite the participants to once again scan these three chapters (chapters 3, 4, 5, pages 48-65), and to select one paragraph from any of the teachers in each section, which best captured that section for them. Ask each participant to then turn to a person next to them, and for the couples to share their selected text and why they were effective. Allow some time for this discussion. Thank the group; ask if anyone had anything in particular to share.
5. A rather risky and perhaps challenging message in Making Prayer Real was the importance on the role of the body, over and against the role of the mind. How did the readers feel about this concept? Are they willing to become attuned to their physical selves in prayer? On page 69, Rabbi Comins suggests three methods to focus on our bodies, nature, music or chant, and yoga. Ask the participants to share their reactions to these suggestions.
6. So, often, prayer is spoken. Yet, Making Prayer Real stressed the need for silence – of the tongue and of the mind – to allow for prayer. On page 78, Rabbi Karen Fox, and on page 82, Rabbi Lavey Derby, each offered their thoughts on how they find silence, or how silence works for them. Ask, how does it resonate with our participants?
7. Chapter 10 raises the challenge of speaking to God, directly – as You. It is easier to speak of God in the third person; it obviates the need to have a relationship. As we conclude this session, we ask how our participants feel about trying to use “You” language in their own prayers?
8. Summarize and thank the participants, and remind them of the next date, and that the third session will address Parts III and IV of Making Prayer Real, and to read those sections.
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Session III: Growing and Healing Through Prayer, Embracing Traditional Jewish Prayer, Practices
Participants should have read Parts III & IV of the book, Growing and healing Through Prayer, and Embracing Traditional Jewish Prayer
1. Check-in: ask if anyone had particularly noticed greater yearning, gratitude, kavvanah, body attention or silence in their prayer experience since the last time we met, and how it felt? Invite discussion.
2. Rabbi Comins identifies the transitive properties of prayer: that prayer can transform the person in times of concern and of loss. Rabbi Debra Orenstein suggests this via the Hebrew word meaning, “to pray,” as connoting self-judgment. Ask attendees if this came as a shock – that one stands in judgment of oneself in prayer? Or, was it somewhat liberating? Invite discussion.
3. Many of us are conflicted by prayer for healing, again asking as to the efficacy of prayer. Chapter 14 of Making Praye Real described a number of rabbinic experiences of prayer and healing, especially on pages 129-30. Rabbi Firestone found a spiritual release, Rabbi Artson a release of anger, Rabbi Franzel a means of helping, Rabbi Weiss a means to groundedness, and Rabbi Fox a link to tradition. Ask, do any of these experiences reflect your own, or is your experience different?
4. The traditional prayer service in the Siddur is a fixed prayer, a structure, as is noted in Part IV of the book. Structure overlays a discipline to the prayer experience, and requires practice and some skills with praying, as is noted on page 146 by Rabbis Zevit and Elliot. Ask participants to reread those two selections, and then to share with the group their response to the idea of order in the Jewish prayer experience: is order contrary to kavvanah, or is it intrinsic? This is the age-old discussion of keva and kavvannah – the two modes of fixed prayer and intentional prayer. How do the participants feel, after studying the book, and themselves, thus far?
5. In the Best Practices Section of Making Prayer Real (Chapter 18), Rabbi Lawrence Kushner compares davvening to speed-reading. He contrasts reading prayers and reading for information. How do we feel about our own prayer-competency? Do we need to be able to manage the prayer book, to read the prayers in the allotted time, to keep up with the rabbi or the cantor, to feel competent, or can we allow ourselves to be embraced by the prayers, and to embrace them in return, irrespective of the time frame?
6. Similarly, we are encouraged to develop our own relationships with the prayers and their words. On pages 174-75, we find five comments on assimilating some personal relationship with the prayers and their meanings. Can we do as our teachers do – or does such prayerfulness require greater fluency and knowledge?
7. The Practices on pages 209 and following may be very personal. We are not going to attempt to undertake them in a group setting, as it risks excluding participants. However, it is worthwhile to discuss the practices, and to gain inspiration to attempt them privately. Review Practices 1, 2, 3 and 22 with the group. Ask, do we feel we might try these?
8. Thank the participants, and remind them of the closing discussion at Kiddush on the Shabbat of Passover, April 23.